Sometimes when I’m taking a class and learning something new, I do something “wrong.” Maybe I’ll turn the wrong way the first time I try it. Somehow that can became ingrained in me and I can’t seem to re-learn another way to turn. The more I try to NOT turn that way, the more ingrained that turn becomes. I’m stuck. The more I try to get “unstuck,” the more stuck I become. The more I focus on trying to remedy what’s “wrong,” the more I experience it.
Once, after a class with a lot of new choreography, one of my clients said to me, “Oh, you’re going through a creative period. Your life must be in tatters!” And, actually, that was true. I was going through a divorce and had two young children. Creativity doesn’t have to come from pain, unless you think it does. Then it does.
Buddha said, “The mind is everything. What you think you become.”
OK, right now I am so stuck. I want to do new choreography, but here I am. Nothing. Crickets. Tumbleweeds. Howling wind. People try to give me new music suggestions and it’s like I have a tin ear—none of them move me.
This is a pattern for me that this year I want to break through. This is what happens: It’s time for me to do something new, but I can’t find any music I want to dance to (how is this possible?). So I fear that I’ll never do anything good again. What I have to remind myself is that when I feel this way, after a time, I do find music. It’s like I’m waiting for the train and it finally comes. I get on it and hold on. If I get off the train too soon, I’m in Stuckville again, and the hellish process begins anew.
Is it really necessary for me to go through this EVERY time? Apparently, yes. Why can’t I let myself go through this process without fear and angst? I find that most of my clients are very forgiving and not demanding. After all, this is not Broadway—I’m only going to be excoriated by my ruthless inner critic.
What I have learned is that the more you resist something, the more you are focused on what you DON”T want (what you are resisting), but that focus is what creates the experience. At the most elementary level, if you think about it, that is true. If I’m worried about what may happen, I am actually bringing that experience into my thoughts, and my thoughts create my reality.
This year I want to be easier on myself and just TRUST that I am led to where I need to go. I don’t have to go kicking and screaming and biting my nails.
So right now, I am choosing to just relax, keep my eyes and ears open and trust that I can choose the harmonious path to do the work I want to do.
In 2012, I am choosing to nurture and be kinder to myself. How about you?