Friday, May 2, 2014

Sat Nav

When I feel that I must do new choreography now, I know that kind of inclination (or inner direction) is based in fear because I am attached to what I think I should do rather than being connected to what really is. And under those circumstances when I try to do something new, I end up throwing it out.  It never sees the light of day (and it shouldn’t). 

Lately when I am faced with a choice, I try to stay in the moment and say to myself, “All right, what’s the next thing to do?  What feels right and makes sense now?”  It has taken me years (really -- decades) to be able to use this process.  Every time I have to make a new choice, I stumble along in the old way until I can pull myself together to use that “new way.” (At least it’s new to me.)

I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said, “There’s a lot of static on the line, is it on your end?”  I said, “Yes, I must be too far away from the source.” 

That really struck me.

When I am filled with anxiety and worry, I notice that my navigation system doesn’t communicate with me very well.  There is a disturbance that does not allow my clear thinking. 

When you are far away from your source—that part of you that is always there, behind the words in the space between your thoughts—you can’t understand what is being communicated.  There is static on the line.

We are always connected to our truth, but sometimes we let ourselves wander away from our foundation, from what we know to be true. 

Worry and fear are static that keep us from making lucid decisions.  Although it is difficult, I have learned that when I don’t know what to do, it’s best for me to do nothing.  I understand that when I allow myself to get quiet and release the external noise, I can “hear” clearly.  My sat nav starts working and sending me directions.  

I don’t know where the sat/nav will lead me, but I have to trust that a clear, calm inclination points me to the road I should follow.

And just like choreography that comes from a joyful, rather than an anxious place, I can let it see the light of day and keep dancing.

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