Sunday, November 9, 2014


One of the things I like to always keep in mind in dance class or when creating choreography is that there’s no right or wrong way.  There’s only what is right for me and my clients.  Further, my clients may or may not like what I’m presenting but they have their own sensibilities about what feels good and can change the movement so that it does feel right to them. 

Everyone owns their own dance.  Sometimes the dances are similar and sometimes widely different.  And that’s good. 

Certainly we can call a movement “wrong” if an injury occurs in class.  But in the moment when the injury happened no one thought or meant to do something “wrong.”  Mishaps – and missteps – happen, but not with conscious intention. 

My husband and I watched a really good movie called, “Locke,” which is the name of the main character.  In the story, this man has made a decision about how to go forward in dealing with a “mistake” he made.  A mistake that most people would judge as wrong.  His choice turns out to have many repercussions.  Injuries (not physical) occur. Calamites happen, all stemming from one action Locke made.  I could empathize with every single person immersed in the consequences of his choice.  And when I look from the point of view of every character involved, no one is wrong.  

I find that fascinating.  And I would say that there are universal acts of evil that we would all agree are unequivocally wrong.  But in the course of our everyday lives – in our relationships with our loved ones, our families, our co-workers, when we look through the eyes of others, at their choices, even if we don’t agree, we can often understand and believe that the other is not “wrong” – at least not in the context of her own experience.  

I am not often able to do this, but I would like to be more adept at seeing the other person’s point of view, especially when I am upset. Even if I don’t agree, even if I feel hurt, I hope that I can at least try to understand.   This understanding has nothing to do with being a doormat or denying negative feelings, but I believe it could soften the hard edges of disappointment. 

I would really like it if someone would do that for me, too, when I’ve angered someone.  It would go a long way to forge bonds of comprehension and promote intimacy.   

I am making it my intention now to remember that just because I don’t agree with someone it doesn’t mean she is wrong.

We are all dancing our own dance to the music that plays in our own heads. Comprehending this might make us hear someone else’s tune and understand her dance a little better.  

Photo by MaryEllen Hendricks

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