Infatuation

I have written on many Valentine’s Days about how when we first meet our romantic partner, we fall in love with everything – his way of talking, walking, smiling, thinking.  But after a time, some of this thrill towards the other can wear thin.  Even things we used to think were adorable, we now may find annoying.  And that’s normal.  But we say to ourselves, “I was infatuated with this person, I wasn’t really seeing the ‘real’ him.”  And so we feel a little disappointed.

Certainly there are some relationships that need to end.  But even in those cases, in the beginning we still saw the best in our partner.  Sometimes a person gets so alienated from his truth, there's no way for the relationship to flourish.  But when the partnership still works, we don't need to invalidate our initial euphoria.

The truth is that when we saw the other as perfect, that was the truth.  We were seeing our partner transparently; we were seeing his true spirit through the veneer of the material world.  At our core is our spirit and our spirit is perfect – inside we are joyful children – full of love, innocence, simplicity, and trust. 

When children dance, the joy of movement comes from within and we are lucky when we can witness such delight.  It makes our hearts swell to encompass the love we feel in the presence of such innocence and purity.  

As we get older, we often stop ourselves from giving in to the abandon that music can produce in us.  We are afraid that we will look stupid or that we are “showing off.”  

When we observe children dancing, we don’t look for a beautiful “line,” a pointed toe.  We see the spirit of the child expressing itself.  

If only we could treat ourselves with such indulgence.

Whether you have a significant other or not, I propose that this Valentine’s Day, you (and all of us) decide to be infatuated with ourselves.

Within us is our perfect spirit, a beautiful dancing child -- innocent and blissful and pure.  We should never forget who we are, just as we should not lose touch with the truth about our partners.

When we can see this in ourselves, we have changed our lens. We can then see this perfection and beauty in everyone around us.  We can remember that we all have this goodness and happiness within us.

So this Valentine’s Day, let’s learn to be infatuated with ourselves.  It’s the best way to pass that love around.

Photo by MaryEllen Hendricks

Within/Without

This is my first blog post of 2015, and yes I have specific things I want to work on this year and every year.  Of course I always want to be a better dancer/choreographer and I continually try to become more proficient.  But the desire to be “better” and the ensuing action to make that real does not happen in a vacuum. 

Everything I do begins with my thought.  My thought produces a feeling and then I see my world through the “lens” of that feeling.  It is my choice what thoughts I want to nurture and what thoughts I need to surrender.

It amazes me when I think of all the time and energy I waste on wanting some situation to be different.  It is a form of self-torture.  I’d like to stop doing that to myself. 

So here are the major points of my meditation in the mornings:

1) With a feeling of trust, let go of everything I have no control over.

2) Whatever I choose to notice in my life (the wonderful and not-so-wonderful) is the lens through which I will interpret everything in my world.

I have come to understand that whatever situation I am confronted with, I actually have the power to change my lens and see it from another perspective. 

 

Now my key inner dialogue is: “Let go of whatever I can’t control” and “See what’s really good in my experience right now.”

Being a better dancer/choreographer can only come from my choosing not to worry and trusting that I will find my way. 

Here are some things I’ve learned that I hope to better internalize: 

I have learned that when inspiration is not forthcoming, it’s time to take a break.

I have learned that my children need to learn their own lessons.  I can certainly say what I believe, but then I must let go and trust that they know their own minds. They have their own path.

I have learned that not everyone is going to like me or what I do, and that it’s okay. It’s not personal. Conversely, when I don’t like someone, I can usually hold up a mirror and see that the person has triggered something in me that I need to address.

I have learned that when I choose to see my life through the lens of gratitude, more shows up in my life to be grateful for.

I have learned that love really is indestructible.

I have learned that my body has a lot of information to give me about my emotions.

I have learned that what I see and feel within me shows up in my world.  The more I love myself, the more love I see everywhere.  The more I bless my life, the more life seems to bless me.  The more joyful I feel, the more joy I see around me.  

The more I dance with life, the more I can trust that life leads me to my best self.

And I have learned that I will never stop dancing – which really makes me smile and feel even more gratitude.

Thank you for dancing with me.

Happy 2015!

Photo by MaryEllen Hendricks

Worrier/Warrior

I can worry like a champ about pretty much everything and everyone.  (If you need anyone to worry for you, I’m your girl!)  When it comes to choreography, I can obsess about why I’m not gaining any headway with a song I like.  What I have found is that the more I worry, the more creativity eludes me.  Even though I understand this, I still find it difficult sometimes to let go.  Knowing that worrying isn’t helpful (and is actually harmful) doesn’t seem to keep me from it. I need to exert an enormous strength of will to get my thoughts back on track.  Worrying has become a bad habit.

And then there’s the superstitious aspect of worry.  “I worried before so much about this person and it all turned out really well.  What would happen if I decide not to worry?”  (As crazy as that sounds, I know you get what I mean.)

I really want to break this habit.  But then the possibility looms that I might enter the vicious cycle of worrying that I won’t be able to stop worrying.

Sometimes, we can think that worrying about people we care about means that we are supporting them. Actually, the opposite is true.

If you think about the people you love and who love you, do you really want to send the vibration of worry in their direction?  Do you want to receive that vibration?

Wouldn’t we rather send and receive love rather than fear?  By sending love energy to our loved ones we are sending trust in their ability to manage.  I am sure we would all prefer to receive that as well.

So of all the bad habits I have, I want to be a warrior about worry.  I believe that “defending” or “fighting” only reinforces fear thoughts. A true warrior stands firm in what she believes to be true and doesn’t have to fight anything.  She turns her head consciously toward the light rather than focusing on the darkness. She decides to direct her thoughts toward the positive and travel her own path, focusing on love.

This is the kind of warrior I aspire to be.

If I can only stop worrying…

Photo by MaryEllen Hendricks

Mantra

Dance is my mantra.  While dancing, if I can let go of “thinking,” I can drop into the space between my thoughts.  At these times, dance helps me remember who I am.  It creates space in my mind and heart for new ideas and perspectives.

However, sometimes I can’t let go of my thoughts.  When I am trying to “think” my way to the next step it invariably causes me to immediately forget the choreography.  In those times, I am dancing but not allowing myself to let go of the words in my head. 

Whether I can get out of my head or not, I am still happy.  I still get to dance.  But the times when I can really go within while moving are heart-opening, joyful, and (potentially) transformative – like all forms of meditation.

When I am having trouble emptying my mind, I sometimes use a silent mantra in a sitting meditation.  Usually it’s just “ohm,” but it really works for me.

A mantra in meditation helps you suspend the relentless flow of words that usually crowds your consciousness.  It opens your mind.  It creates the space for something new and transformative.

And then there are the things we habitually and unconsciously say to ourselves that are negative and hurtful. (“I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never be successful at this,” “Why did I say such a stupid thing?”)

Because we repeat these thoughts over and over, they become a mantra, too, but one that is debilitating instead of liberating.

Habitual negative thoughts about yourself are dangerous when used like a mantra because they allow no other thought to come in.  Rather than opening the mind, they narrow it. 

It is worth looking within to see what negative mantras we have accumulated.  I know I have many.  Not as many as I used to, but still quite a few.

Examination and awareness of the damage we do to ourselves (and the healing of that damage) helps everyone.  Often healing comes just from the act of bringing the hurt into the light -- and in these troubled times, that is enlightened, not selfish.

I will close with this quote from Lao Tse.  It was posted on Facebook by one of my friends:

“If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. 

If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.

Truly the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.”

--- Lao Tse

 Photo by MaryEllen Hendricks