Sat Nav

When I feel that I must do new choreography now, I know that kind of inclination (or inner direction) is based in fear because I am attached to what I think I should do rather than being connected to what really is. And under those circumstances when I try to do something new, I end up throwing it out.  It never sees the light of day (and it shouldn’t). 

Lately when I am faced with a choice, I try to stay in the moment and say to myself, “All right, what’s the next thing to do?  What feels right and makes sense now?”  It has taken me years (really -- decades) to be able to use this process.  Every time I have to make a new choice, I stumble along in the old way until I can pull myself together to use that “new way.” (At least it’s new to me.)

I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said, “There’s a lot of static on the line, is it on your end?”  I said, “Yes, I must be too far away from the source.” 

That really struck me.

When I am filled with anxiety and worry, I notice that my navigation system doesn’t communicate with me very well.  There is a disturbance that does not allow my clear thinking. 

When you are far away from your source—that part of you that is always there, behind the words in the space between your thoughts—you can’t understand what is being communicated.  There is static on the line.

We are always connected to our truth, but sometimes we let ourselves wander away from our foundation, from what we know to be true. 

Worry and fear are static that keep us from making lucid decisions.  Although it is difficult, I have learned that when I don’t know what to do, it’s best for me to do nothing.  I understand that when I allow myself to get quiet and release the external noise, I can “hear” clearly.  My sat nav starts working and sending me directions.  

I don’t know where the sat/nav will lead me, but I have to trust that a clear, calm inclination points me to the road I should follow.

And just like choreography that comes from a joyful, rather than an anxious place, I can let it see the light of day and keep dancing.

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Degrees of Freedom or N minus 1

When choreographing a song, there are an infinite number of possibilities of what movement to use.  As I go through a song, the possibilities are narrowed because (for my purposes) I really only want to have 3 or 4 combinations, as this makes the dance easier to learn.

In statistics, there is a term, “degrees of freedom.”  This means that if, for example, you are working with 10 subjects in an experiment, when you choose the first subject to study, there are 10 choices (or degrees of freedom).  When you choose the second subject, you now have 9 degrees of freedom, and so on.  When you get to the 10^th subject, you have no other choice, so “degrees of freedom” is defined mathematically as n (the number, in this case 10) minus 1.

I found this concept fascinating, especially because I was considering it from an adult perspective rather than the teenage/young adult point of view I had when I first learned about it.

When I am going down a certain path, whether it is a personal or professional issue, I try to make the best “right” decision, moment-to-moment.  It’s like, “OK, what’s the next right step NOW?”  I used to (and it’s a hard habit to break) try to look ahead and make decisions based on what I imagined was going to happen.  It didn’t work well.

I find that we do have degrees of freedom in our lives.  We make one decision, and then take the next step and the next until finally there is a point at which there is only one decision, one door, to choose.  When enabling a person we love, we choose every step to “help” – but sometimes those steps are not helpful.  Yet we try them again and again because we can’t bear to choose that last degree of freedom.  It’s too scary.  So instead of going forward, we go backward or in circles. In the end, though, we are faced with that last degree.  There’s one choice left.  So we close our eyes, take a deep breath, and choose that last degree of freedom because nothing else has worked.  

There is a strange comfort when we are finally faced with that one choice, the extreme, the one we swore we’d never do.  But when it’s the only one left, we just have to take the leap.

What I’ve found is that, even though that final degree is the scary one, every step I took that I felt was right led to this final one.  And this final choice, no matter how hard, has produced results that I thought I would never see.  It was worth it.  It put me and those I love on another, better path.

I am forever grateful to this process.

What is your final degree of freedom?  When you get to your n-1, it can set you free.

If a Husband is Arguing in the Woods...Part II

In dance class, because dance, music, and movement are powerful emotional catalysts, there is often a lot of projection.  Sometimes the projection is negative – we tell ourselves a story that is just not true.  (Such as, “That woman hates me.”  “She’s making fun of me.” “I’m in everybody’s way.” Et cetera. )

We forget that we all basically have the same struggles…that we are really all in this together.  When we can see this, it is a blessing.  It makes us relax and let down our defenses.

Last week I posted this photo of a newly built house right next door to us.  The lights in the picture are (apparently) coming from the reflection of the sun bouncing off of our house and projecting onto the house next door.

 

Those lights were always there, we just didn’t see them because there was nothing to catch the light. 

Instead of the neighboring house blocking our light as we feared, we still have plenty.  Plus, we have these beautiful images of light to see next door every day.

Often, your projection onto another is positive; sometimes you are projecting your own light onto someone else. You can reflect and project light, but it can only be seen if there’s something to catch it.

I ask again, if a husband is arguing in the woods, and no one is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

When we see someone else’s light, we are calling forth that same light from within ourselves.  When we acknowledge our own light, we can see it in others, too.

So let yourself acknowledge the light in yourself and others.

It’s there.  You just have to see it. 

If a Husband is Arguing in the Woods...Part I

We can only really receive a blessing if we are ready to see it.  We are so busy worrying about what might be coming, and focusing on what’s wrong, we forget to appreciate what is right in front of us.

Often we resist seeing the blessing because we just don’t feel worthy…or tragedy has brought us to our knees and seems to have blocked the light for good.

There are blessings and miracles all around us.  But we have to open our hearts and minds in order to receive them. 

The photo is of a newly built house right next door to us.  We were not thrilled about this new house being built so close.  We were afraid it would block the light coming into our house.

 

It turns out that the fear was baseless. We get just as much light as before the house went up.  Not only do we have plenty of sunlight streaming into our house, we have these lovely images of light on the house next door. 
 

The lights in the picture are (apparently) coming from the reflection of the sun bouncing off of our house and projecting onto the house next door.  I love seeing them.  Even though it is a small thing, it reminds me to be open to expect the best.

Those lights were always there, we just didn’t see them because there was nothing to catch the light.

Like that old joke: if a husband is arguing in the woods and there is no one there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Let’s be open to receive.  We might not know what the blessing is yet, but we know it’s coming, and it’s a good one.

Even if you are experiencing grief, if you can turn your face to the light for just a moment, you may begin to feel some solace.

In the movie, “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel,” one of the characters, Sonny Kapoor, says, “Everything will be all right in the end.  And if it’s not all right, then it’s not yet the end.”

So be ready to catch the light.

It’s there.  You just have to see it.