Age Is Only in Your Mind, Part II

Dance is healing in many ways.  If I am really stressed, dance is an enormous antidote.  It has, literally, saved me over the years.  But it only helps if I can shut out of my mind what I’m freaking out about and stay in the moment.  When I have been extremely upset, dance can be an escape.  In those tough times my only choice is being present while dancing; otherwise I would be unable to move at all. When we are present and engaged in what we are doing, it is truly medicinal.

Often I find being in the moment challenging.  I’m thinking about what I have to do next, or who I need to talk to or what phone call I have to make.  I have to really force myself to stay present.  Honestly, half the time I am not successful.  This is why it’s called a practice, I guess.

The researchers, Calvin Harley and Elissa Epel, have studied telomeres.**  These are structures on the ends of our chromosomes.  Stress is one of the main reasons that telomeres shorten.  This shortening causes cell replication to slow down and also causes the cell to be unstable.  Non-replication and cell instability cause breakages in the chromosomes which, in turn, cause tissue damage.  The result of this is what we see as “decline.”   Epel says, “Stress is time travel.”  We are upset about what happened in the past and worried about what may happen in the future.  We are not engaged fully in the moment.

Stress causes the mind and the body to react in unhealthy ways.  It can literally spin us out of our bodies.  That is when we get lost.  When we are not in our bodies, we are not in present time. 

They found that telomeres can resist deterioration by the practice of being in the moment.  And this is science!  Meditation is a wonderful tool for the practice of being in the now; however it can seem daunting.  You can use anything: dance, walking in nature, conversation with a friend, etc., to practice being present.   It all counts.

The body’s job is to always remain balanced.  When you overheat, you sweat.  When you’re cold, you shiver to create more heat.  When you get a cut, the body immediately begins a healing process.  If stressful thoughts and feelings contribute to telomere shortening, why can’t positive thoughts and feelings promote telomere re-growth?  I don’t know, but it seems reasonable to me.  And fair, dammit!

If no one around us talked about how age causes degeneration, and if we didn’t see the result of all this talk encouraging the expectation of decline with age, and  if we weren’t constantly bombarded with the collective thoughts of the culture that age means deterioration, how would we age? 

I’m willing to bet that in all of us there is an 18-25 year old person who just doesn’t believe that she won’t be able to do x or y because of age. 

That’s where I want to live.

The power is within you to decide how old you want to be. 

The great news here is, even if you don’t believe that you have this power, if you practice being in the moment, the quality of your life and relationships rises because you are really here. Now.

**Here are Calvin Harley and Elissa Epel, the researchers lecturing at TedMed:  (Click on the Q&A, too, it’s very interesting!)

http://www.tedmed.com/videos-info?name=Calvin_Harley__and__Elissa_Epel_at_TEDMED_2011&q=updated&year=all#.TzalcnZvfWM.email

Age Is Only in Your Mind Part I

After you have danced, really present in the moment, it can feel like no time has passed.  When we are absorbed in a conversation or very present while reading a book, time seems to evaporate.  When we are done, it’s as though only a moment has gone by.  

Quantum physics has shown that linear time is an illusion.  Time just is.  We move through time; time doesn’t move through us.  Our human brains can only perceive time as linear.  But in ultimate reality there is no past or future; everything is happening in the present moment.  Now is all there is. 

Maybe it’s because I am vain, maybe it’s because I don’t like what “age” means in our society, but I don’t want to hear all the negativity about age.  Age should mean that we know MORE and that we are KINDER because of it.  It should mean that, because we’ve had a lot of practice, we are BETTER at being human than we were when we were younger.  It should mean that we are more tolerant.  As we age, all of our mistakes pile up, but also what we learned from those mistakes makes us who we are now.  It makes us humbler, more compassionate, and better at what we do.  I’m planning to dance forever.

In Biology 101 we learned that all of our cells replicate our same DNA over and over again.  That is the job of the cells, to replicate exactly.  There is no reason age should mean decline, unless we think it does. 

I know an elderly man who said, in a fit of temper, “I’m going to get dementia!”  He was perfectly in his right mind until he convinced himself that it wouldn’t last.  His body and mind believed his words and I watched as he declined.   

I don’t believe in decline.  I believe in practice.  When we practice compassion, physicality, joy, love—practice makes us better at it.     

The question is not how many years you have been in this body on this planet, but how old do you feel?

You are your spirit and your spirit is ageless.

You are ageless.

Magic

To me, dance is magic.  While dancing, the words fall away and I can remember who I am. (And this is true; I often can’t remember words while dancing, as anyone who takes my class knows!)  Dance brings up joy and also buried emotions.  It has gotten me through challenges and it heals my spirit.  It is magic the way dance can bring people together. My parents really seemed in love when they danced together, and I believe those were some of the few moments they really were happy with each other.  Dance allowed them to really “see” one another in a way that was beyond words. 

It was magic.

At the risk of sounding completely childish, I confess that one of my favorite authors is JK Rowling.  There, I said it!  Yes, I love Harry Potter.  I want to BE Harry Potter, or at the very least, Hermione.  I want to enter that world.

I want to go to Hogwarts.

I had a dream where I actually was at Hogwarts and I thought, “What am I doing here? I wish I could do magic!” And then the thought came to me, “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t do magic. They wouldn’t have let me come here if I couldn’t do it….….” 

We are all magic.  We are here to do our own brand of magic, or we wouldn’t be here at all. 

What is your magic?

You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t have it.  You know what it is.  You just need to articulate it to yourself. 

Trust it. 

Use it.

You are magic.  

Coming Around Again

You can “do” a dance, and it will feel okay and maybe look fine. But when you are “doing” you are outside of the process.  “Doing” the dance is not the same as “being” the dance.  When you become the dance, you are infused with the music and the expression of that music through the movement of your body.  Then you are the dance.

There is a wonderful song by Carly Simon about “doing” life while yearning to “be” that life.  Here are some of the lyrics:

“Coming Around Again” by Carly Simon

I know nothing stays the same

But if you’re willing to play the game

It’s coming around again

Don’t mind if I fall apart

There’s more room in a broken heart

And I believe in love

What else can I do?

I’m so in love with you

These words are so emotional and evocative.  There’s sadness here, but also hope.  There’s sadness for what was, along with a hope of renewal or of maybe finding love again.

It’s true that when your heart has been broken, there is more room; more room for compassion, understanding and, maybe, more love.  More love, not only for others, but for yourself.  When your heart is cracked open, all preconceived notions about what love is supposed to look like are thrown out the window and what is left is what’s real:  love.  It’s the only truth.

Sometimes staying steadfast to the belief in love is like hanging on to a piece of driftwood after a shipwreck. You’re not sure if it’s going to take you to shore. If you believe in its power, there’s really no other thing that can happen. You must and will be carried to land.  You’ll be grateful to be alive.  And there’s a different view from that shore. Changing your perception changes what you see and experience. 

I will never forget sitting in my therapist’s office and saying, “I’m out of ideas.  I’ve done everything I can think of, and nothing has helped.”  That is when I let go.  After that, when I realized all my “doing” was not helping, all I could do is focus on “being” love.  My heart had fractured and there was more room in my heart, for others and for myself, too. 

Believe in love.  It’s the only thing that matters.

The lyrics to “Coming Around Again” by Carly Simon:

Baby sneezes
Mommy pleases
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
So romantic
So bewildering

I know nothin' stays the same
But if you're willin' to play the game
It's comin' around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart (broken heart)

Pay the grocer
You fix the toaster
You kiss the host goodbye
Then you break a window
Burn the souffle
Scream the lullaby

I know nothin' stays the same
But if you're willin' to play the game
It's comin' around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart

And I believe in love
But what else can I do
So in love with you

I know nothin' stays the same
But if you're willin' to play the game
It's comin' around again

For Valentine's Day, or: Infatuation Is Really Underrated

You can dance with someone and really not be in sync.  You can be stepping all over each other.  But, if you really like the person or if this is a romantic relationship, it just doesn’t matter.  You delight in your partner’s goofiness or lack of coordination. 

After you’ve been with your partner for a while, you might feel that dancing together is not so cute anymore.  The stumbling no longer delights you.  It annoys you.

Remember when you met your significant other?  You were so in love that everything that person did and said was wonderful.  This person seemed perfect to you and for you.  It was bliss.

In the beginning of your relationship, you delighted in your partner’s little eccentricities and habits.  You embraced them, thought they were adorable.  Well now they are just irritating.  You sigh and look back at that beginning and think that you were infatuated.  You think that infatuation caused you to see your partner as perfect.  You think your infatuation was a lie, an illusion.

I’ve been through divorces (two) and break-ups (many) and I know that sometimes the relationship just does not work.  Sometimes it’s just hell and you have to get out. Now.

But, if you still love your partner, here’s a thought:  In the beginning, when you saw your partner as perfect and beautiful, that was the truth.  The little, petty annoyances are the illusion and the lie.  At the start of your relationship you saw, with a heightened perception born of real love, who your partner really is underneath the words and the veneer we all have.  That was not just infatuation; your partner’s perfection is the truth.  Your own perfection that lies beneath the words and the mask is also the truth. 

Love propels us to a higher vibration where we can see what’s true. 

That perfection is within us all.  We need only acknowledge it. 

Show Yourself

Dance is not really like other forms of movement.  You can spin or do a weight class, but they don’t really require that you show yourself.  In dance, even if no one is watching, you have no choice but to reveal yourself in the movement.  Music is emotional and dance expresses that emotion. 

We are doing a Valentine’s Day party at our studio.  And there are a couple of people who are dancing (on video or live) as a valentine for their significant other.  This is such a show of vulnerability, and vulnerability is an expression of trust. And love.  It is the sweetest thing. 

It makes me think of that phenomenon when a hunted animal shows its jugular to another, and the dominant animal stops attacking.  It’s a surrender and an admission of a truth: “You are physically stronger than I am and I acknowledge that.”  There is no shame in that acknowledgement.  There is real strength.    

I have been in relationships where I have deliberately shown my vulnerability, and I have had to pay for it.  I learned that the price of showing my true self to someone who can’t receive it means humiliation. In that relationship, I thought the best thing would be to lock myself away forever, so no one could see that part of me again.  However, that really doesn’t work if you actually want to have a life that is authentic. 

Have you ever noticed that when you have a negative emotion, airing it in the light of day, to someone you love, completely changes that thought?  Like the thought, “I am jealous,” when you actually express it, it loses its power.  Like a wound, if you cover it up, it can fester.  But if you expose it to light, it heals. When you admit, “I am jealous,” it can seem laughable, but you can also change that jealousy to admiration and maybe even inspiration.

Admitting vulnerability or saying to someone, “I want to show this to you.  I want to dance for you,” is an act of trust and an offering of love.  It is exposing yourself to the light; it is healing.

Let’s learn to really show ourselves to those we love.  It is a gift.  It makes our relationships deeper and it makes us stronger in the truth of who we are. 

Here is a link to Ted.com and a wonderful talk by Brene Brown about “The Power of Vulnerability.”

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html#.Ts-JDW7F-C8.facebook